Sometimes, ads are so bad you think surely they must be hoaxes, maybe the result of a practical joke gone too far at an ad agency. “Bill, I bet you a hundred dollars I could present the worst ad in the world to the client and they would accept it.”

But then sometimes an ad is so much worse than that you know it cannot be a hoax. It’s the result of serious planning and effort, but from someone who is very sick in the head but who still has the wherewithal to draft and execute a plan,  and you begin to be very afraid. You close your blinds, stay in bed for four days straight, and eat nothing but microwave chicken pot pies and gin.

Well, I mean that’s just what I do. Your personal experiences may vary.

This spot is one of those magic bullet commercials that do their job by being supremely awful. Everything about it is horrendous, from the voice of the commercial producer digitally slowed down to disguise his identity, to the strange and out of place reaction shot of the women to the hatching egg, and most especially in the disgusting birthing noise the egg makes as it comes out of the male bald eagle’s..

Wait a minute, where does an egg come out of a male bird? Oh. My. God.