Man my teets are barking

Skittles has a very special kind of advertising. From sheep boys to beard face, nothing says Skittles like an abomination of nature.

Though technically it is possible for men to lactate, and some people are born with vestigial nipples, I still must call the likelihood of this event happening into question. I mean this guy would have been fired a long time ago because of his attitude. And I don’t care how much milk he’s making, if it’s sour no one is going to buy it. Use your heads people.

We have a strict dress code here, Beardo

Here’s a spot that is both disturbing and thoughtful. In it a young Jean Valjean steals a loaf of bread with his beard to feed his starving family. Now he’s confronted with the woman who tried to arrest him, and he’s omitted the technical felony on his job application. Since the tragic result of this story is so obvious we don’t even need to see the conclusion to know it ends poorly for our doomed hero.

Or maybe I just made that up based on what I read from the Cliff Notes. Skittles has a lot of bizarre commercials, and this is just one of many.

Pictured Above: Unclaimed children of the Scottish highlands

This thirty-second commercial for Skittles is weird enough to be good and memorable. After watching the spot though I believe to have uncovered a dark secret in the story line that could shake the nation to its very core.

The sheep-boys are part of the ‘blended fruit’ theme of the new Skittles flavors. But what does that mean they are a blend of? Well, a blend of sheep..and..and of..oh dear god, a blend of sheep AND PEOPLE.

How could this have happened? Why is the farmer passive-aggressive in his interest in the sheep boys? It’s almost as if he has an emotional investment in their growth that he is trying to mask with hostility..oh..oh no..the farmer..the sheep boys..THE FARMER FATHERED THE SHEEP BOYS!

But how did one of them turn out black? Looks like some oversexed sheep tasted the rainbow. How will the farmer react upon this new and shocking discovery? Stay tuned to find out.