No they call it “silent but deadly” when it’s a fart that doesn’t make noise but it still smells terrible. Seriously, who doesn’t know this.

I wonder if, over time, farts slowly build up in the blanket and reach some form of critical mass. Does the blanket need to be routinely de-farted? This commercial doesn’t even begin to answer some of the most obvious questions.

Behold this creepy ad for a voluntary swine flu vaccine from the 70′s.

While the creepiness is timeless, the relevance comes from the recent 21st century outbreak, of which it is impossible to not be aware if you are reading this on the internet.

Remember, transferring the disease is as simple as making eye-contact, so, much like encountering a gorilla, remember to freeze in your tracks and stare at the floor if you encounter a coughing individual, taking great care to not flare your nostrils.

Are you too stupid to work a blanket? When the blanket falls off of you, do you look down at it, confused as to why it’s no longer on you? Would you like the blanket to follow you around?

Ding A magical Snuggie appears on your body.

There, now you can do everything but go out into public. Wait, where are you going, don’t go outside! People will see you!

Other uses for the Snuggie include: Suicide cult start-up attire; shirt; dress; robe; graduation gown; bride’s maid gown; suit and tie.

Act now unless you are unable to extricate yourself from your current blanket.

This ancient ad for McDonald’s failed product roll-out of the McD.L.T. features a young and spry Jason Alexander. In the song if this is Alexander really singing it’s a bit of a surprise to hear a competent singing voice coming out of Jerry’s screaming sidekick. And watch how cat-like he is when he jumps into frame.

Aside from it being made of NastyMeat®, the McD.L.T. required an abominable amount of Styrofoam to keep the hot things hot and the cool things cool. While a good idea in theory, having to assemble a burger flies in the face of the entire concept of fast food. Why not give me two separate cups, one with ice, and one with liquid and have me mix them together you jackasses. What am I, a machine?

How can the Gap ever be cool again if they aren’t producing commercials like this anymore? What kids today need to see is Madonna and Missy Elliot bumping butts in order for them to think your clothing chain is ‘the bee’s knees’.

This spot is from earlier this decade, but looks like it was made in the 1980′s.

This ad for video game design training at Collins College used to make its rounds on the G4 network. The differences portrayed in the ad versus the realities of game design are so sharply different it should warrant a ‘complete dramatization’ title.

First of all, you program video games with a video game controller? No, that would be stupid. Only a big dummy would thing that’s how it happens.

I have to say, I really love this commercial. It’s a very simple concept done well, and the presentation over ninety seconds lets the suspense build to the appropriate level.

When the drum set is revealed you know the instant before it happens that there is about to be an oddly placed drum solo in the middle of this long winding ballad which is actually not about seeing someone drown. But we now know the song is clearly about a gorilla excited beyond words that Cadbury now features a glass and a half of dairy milk in a new chocolate bar. And he expresses this joy by rocking out.

Since then I’ve posted on other cavemen spots. With the amount of cavemen commercials out there I felt the need to start this definitive caveman article, which will feature all the current ads, and be updated with the reviews on the new ones when and if they show up.

Additionally, if one more person asks if a caveman is really Val Kilmer, or what the song playing in the airport is, I will go insane. So at the bottom of this article I will also maintain a “Geico Caveman FAQ”. So read the frequently-asked-questions before you ask a frequently asked question. For the love of god, read it first.

The Geico Caveman FAQ

Q: “Is one of the cavemen Val Kilmer???????”

A: No.

Q: “My cousin told me that caveman is Val Kilmer!! Is it?? It looks like him!”

A: No, it’s not.

Q: “I swear to god that is Val Kimer!”

A: It’s not.

Q: “Who are the Geico cavemen?”

A: One is Ben Weber, another is Jeffery Daniel Phillips. John Lehr is also a caveman, and recently was on TBS’s ‘Ten Items or Less’. Which actor is which caveman is a question I do not have the answer to right now.

Q: “Is the therapist Adrian from the Rocky movie? Talia Shire”

A: Actually, yes.

Q: “Please name all the extras and the cameraman and the best boy and key grip and anything else you can thin of!!”

A: No.

Q: “Who makes the cavemen ads for Geico?”

A: The Martin Agency. I don’t know if they do all the other Geico ads, but they do some of them at least. My best-guess is that they currently produce them all.

Q: “What is the airport song / where can I get it?”

A: The song is “Remind Me” by R�yksopp.

Q: “How can I make the song my ringtone?”

A: I am told Cingular sells it. Check your local ring-tone provider for more information.

Q: “Is a Geico caveman TV show in the works?”

A: According to this article, the Variety has alluded to ABC picking up a caveman TV show:

‘BC has plans to turn a series of quirky commercials for insurance provider Geico which revolve around a number of indignant cavemen into a half-hour comedy pilot, Variety reported. Taking its cue from the ads, Cavemen centers on three prehistoric men who must battle prejudice as they attempt to live as normal 30-somethings in modern Atlanta.

The pilot was written by Joe Lawson, the advertising copywriter who was behind the ads, as well as other comedic Geico spots. Daniel Rappaport, Guymon Cassady, Will Speck and Josh Gordon are executive-producing. Speck and Gordon, commercial directors who recently helmed the Will Farrell feature Blades of Glory, are on board to also direct.

The single-camera pilot is based on a series of Geico ads that promote the insurance company’s Web site as so user-friendly that even “a caveman could do it.” The spots follow cavemen as they react with offense to the derogatory slogan in modern locations such as a cable news program, an upscale restaurant, the airport and a therapist’s office.

Jeff Daniel Phillips and Ben Weber play the cavemen in the Geico spots; it is unknown whether they will also appear in the series.’

Here is the full article in Variety:

‘Winner for most unusual piece of development this pilot season goes to ABC, which has turned a series of quirky Geico commercials into an actual half-hour comedy project.

“Cavemen” will revolve around three pre-historic men who must battle prejudice as they attempt to live as normal thirtysomethings in modern Atlanta.

Project, from ABC TV Studio, is penned by Joe Lawson, an advertising copywriter who was behind the “Caveman” ads — as well as other Geico commercials (think the cockney-speaking Geico gecko, and the reality TV spoof “Tiny House”).

Daniel Rappaport, Guymon Cassady, Will Speck and Josh Gordon are exec producers. Speck and Gordon, commercial directors who recently helmed the Will Farrell feature “Blades of Glory,” are on board to also direct.

The single-camera laffer pilot is based on the Geico ads that promote the insurance company’s Web site as so user-friendly that even “a caveman could do it.” The spots follow cavemen in modern settings, reacting with offense to the derogatory slogan. In one, a Geico spokesman apologizes and takes the Neanderthals out to dinner.

Other blurbs include the sensitive, modern cavemen peeved at the offending slogan while encountering Geico ads in everyday life, including the airport.

The caveman commercials were created through the Richmond, Va.-based Martin Agency. Jeff Daniel Phillips and Ben Weber play the cavemen in the Geico spots; no word if they’ll make the transformation to the TV project.

Few TV shows have come out of the commercial sphere; more frequently, TV characters live on in 30-second spots long after their shows are canceled (think “ALF”).

But it’s not without precedence: The 2002 CBS comedy “Baby Bob” revolved around a talking baby character that was first seen in a series of dot.com ads. After the Eye canceled “Baby Bob,” the character returned to its commercial roots, spending time as a pitchman (pitchbaby?) for Quizno’s Subs.’ Thanks to DrLar for finding this.

Another article on the show in development.

Ask more questions here and (maybe) they will get answered. Feel free to post the answers to some of the lingering questions I have left here.

Another Geico Caveman ad is out, and I promised this comment thread I would go without food sleep or water until I had posted every available caveman ad.

While this is “Awful Commercials”, once in a while it’s good to take a look at something I consider the opposite of awful to establish some kind of bearing, and to say, no I don’t hate every single television advertisement ever made.

This ad features one of the Geico cavemen talking to his therapist about the fictitious “So Easy a Caveman Can do It” Geico.com campaign.

In some respect, this ad seems to be geared towards existing fans of the ads. It supposes the viewer has seen enough of the previous ads to not go “huh? what the hell is going on”. Geico runs so many varied ads I think this is not an issue, someone who doesn’t know what is going on has a lot more other ads being flung their way to make up for it. And since when has anything made sense on television? Not since I blew out my eardrum at the firing range, I can tell you that much.

My biggest concern, being a fan of the caveman ads, is that they would eventually damage the integrity of the humor and characters, in the classic style of such greats as George Lucas and the director of Godfather Part IV: Blood Rain. This ad stays the course like a lone superpower in a troubled land full of oil resources, and delivers some great subtleties of acting and character that made the beloved restaurant ad famous. The speechless reaction of the therapist to the caveman’s sniping comment, along with the phone call from his mom he puts on speaker phone drops the audience into a rich three-dimensional setting of human interaction in just thirty seconds.

With a healthy round of brand new Geico caveman spots out, it’s about time for an official Caveman Update. This comment thread is a pretty good testament to the fact that the original three Geico caveman spots were very well loved.