“It’s the problem in the marriage bed that no one likes to talk about. Maybe that’s why they call it silent, but deadly.”

No they call it “silent but deadly” when it’s a fart that doesn’t make noise but it still smells terrible. Seriously, who doesn’t know this.

I wonder if, over time, farts slowly build up in the blanket and reach some form of critical mass. Does the blanket need to be routinely de-farted? This commercial doesn’t even begin to answer some of the most obvious questions.

Behold this creepy ad for a voluntary swine flu vaccine from the 70′s.

While the creepiness is timeless, the relevance comes from the recent 21st century outbreak, of which it is impossible to not be aware if you are reading this on the internet.

Remember, transferring the disease is as simple as making eye-contact, so, much like encountering a gorilla, remember to freeze in your tracks and stare at the floor if you encounter a coughing individual, taking great care to not flare your nostrils.

Are you too stupid to work a blanket? When the blanket falls off of you, do you look down at it, confused as to why it’s no longer on you? Would you like the blanket to follow you around?

Ding A magical Snuggie appears on your body.

There, now you can do everything but go out into public. Wait, where are you going, don’t go outside! People will see you!

Other uses for the Snuggie include: Suicide cult start-up attire; shirt; dress; robe; graduation gown; bride’s maid gown; suit and tie.

Act now unless you are unable to extricate yourself from your current blanket.

This ancient ad for McDonald’s failed product roll-out of the McD.L.T. features a young and spry Jason Alexander. In the song if this is Alexander really singing it’s a bit of a surprise to hear a competent singing voice coming out of Jerry’s screaming sidekick. And watch how cat-like he is when he jumps into frame.

Aside from it being made of NastyMeat®, the McD.L.T. required an abominable amount of Styrofoam to keep the hot things hot and the cool things cool. While a good idea in theory, having to assemble a burger flies in the face of the entire concept of fast food. Why not give me two separate cups, one with ice, and one with liquid and have me mix them together you jackasses. What am I, a machine?

How can the Gap ever be cool again if they aren’t producing commercials like this anymore? What kids today need to see is Madonna and Missy Elliot bumping butts in order for them to think your clothing chain is ‘the bee’s knees’.

This spot is from earlier this decade, but looks like it was made in the 1980′s.