Botched surgeries are hilarious

If it weren’t for this one insane doctor, the strip club in Van Nuys wouldn’t have anyone working there at all. And, apparently, he’s their only customer, so they wouldn’t have any income if it weren’t for him either. It’s a business model that cannot fail.

This beautifully done and tasteful commercial raises the chilling possibility of a 21st century ’superpimp’. Not only does the superpimp manage the girls in this science fiction nightmare scenario, but he medically and genetically creates them as his mind’s eye sees fit.

Besides this shocking revelation, nothing is wrong with this commercial. Everything is fine.

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Just another episode of the Cosby Show

When you had advertising as good as Moo and Oink of Chicago did, you didn’t need a produce section. You could just sell various cuts of meat because you had so many customers coming through the doors, you didn’t need to bother yourself with low profit margin items like fruits and vegetables.

This commercial captures a very special but also very specific period of time, as evidenced by the Cosby Show era sweaters in the impromptu electric slide down aisle 5.

I can only wonder what adventures Moo and Oink and still getting into. Ok, my producers are talking to me through my ear piece, they just told me they are both dead.

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You cannot protect your weak face from the mighty hammer smack

If anyone is bothering you right now, you really need to check out this commercial. Jhoon Rhee’s self defense class will teach you how to make this stop happening.

‘But how can he?’ you wonder? Ha ha, silly fool..SPINNING LOTUS ‘No please’ Yes ha ha face my spinning lotus also here have some dragon ‘no I do not want any dragon’ YOU WILL TAKE SOME DRAGON ‘NO I DO NOT WANT ANY AMOUNT OF DRAGON’ wa cha! Fists of Knuckle! ‘please no more!’

And that’s just session one. The key to making a bad commercial look good is to put your cute little kids in there, which this spot sneaks in right at the finish line, making everything ok.

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I think this is from Space Ghost

This ancient commercial gem dates back to 1986, when a young William H. Macy was doing local New York City area commercials. Using the power of typing things into Google, I have placed the ‘Hanover’ mentioned in this spot to New Jersey.

From watching this its evident that Macy has a really electric advertising voice. I wish at least once in each one of his movies he would turn to the camera and talk briefly to the audience about where they could find local savings.

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Knock knock Who’s there? Yarrrrrrrrrr!

It’s pretty brave to sport a pirate theme for your furniture store commercial in a landlocked state like Indiana. Or is it something other than ‘bravery’ when you put on a billowing parachute shirt and tights?

Pirates, the terrorists of the sixteenth century, have been been stealing from the rich and giving to themselves since the invention of the boat and the burlap sack with a dollar sign on the front. But now for a limited time they are giving back in the form of massive store-wide discounts, and a video recording that will one day be used to declare them non compos mentis by their future inheritants who were forced to appear in it.

I really wish national commercials looked like this, except with slightly higher production values. It would be like the Conan O’Brien show was on 24-7.

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