I can’t bear to see Jack Nicholson like this

This awful commercial comes to us today via the Consumerist, featuring a young Linda Soundtrak who no doubt looks like Moses’ mum present day.

These three commercials are from 1986, and have all the production values of an Electric Company skit. Watch for Linda staring towards the camera / director for her cue to sit back up in bed.

I am going as this for Halloween

EIC: is steven richards a wrestler man or something

toby8000: yes

EIC: i need to write some crap for this commercial
is he totally washed up or what
do you love him

toby8000: he’s so-so
kind of an eternal midcard guy

EIC: so like you dont really jerk to him
that’s what you do when you watch wrestling right
i do understand correctly

(Oh there is more…)

Never ask me about my car business!

This blank template ad for local Stamford-area Toyota dealerships parodies the Godfather, staring ‘Don CarLoanie’ as the car salesman.

I found this on the YouTube acting reel of Frankie J. Mosca, where there is another local dealership ad. This one isn’t quite as noteworthy for campiness, though the ending begs the question as to whether or not it’s a spoof of this Geico caveman commercial’s classic line: ‘What’s that supposed to mean?’.

Botched surgeries are hilarious

If it weren’t for this one insane doctor, the strip club in Van Nuys wouldn’t have anyone working there at all. And, apparently, he’s their only customer, so they wouldn’t have any income if it weren’t for him either. It’s a business model that cannot fail.

This beautifully done and tasteful commercial raises the chilling possibility of a 21st century ‘superpimp’. Not only does the superpimp manage the girls in this science fiction nightmare scenario, but he medically and genetically creates them as his mind’s eye sees fit.

Besides this shocking revelation, nothing is wrong with this commercial. Everything is fine.

Just another episode of the Cosby Show

When you had advertising as good as Moo and Oink of Chicago did, you didn’t need a produce section. You could just sell various cuts of meat because you had so many customers coming through the doors, you didn’t need to bother yourself with low profit margin items like fruits and vegetables.

This commercial captures a very special but also very specific period of time, as evidenced by the Cosby Show era sweaters in the impromptu electric slide down aisle 5.

I can only wonder what adventures Moo and Oink and still getting into. Ok, my producers are talking to me through my ear piece, they just told me they are both dead.