Botched surgeries are hilarious

If it weren’t for this one insane doctor, the strip club in Van Nuys wouldn’t have anyone working there at all. And, apparently, he’s their only customer, so they wouldn’t have any income if it weren’t for him either. It’s a business model that cannot fail.

This beautifully done and tasteful commercial raises the chilling possibility of a 21st century ’superpimp’. Not only does the superpimp manage the girls in this science fiction nightmare scenario, but he medically and genetically creates them as his mind’s eye sees fit.

Besides this shocking revelation, nothing is wrong with this commercial. Everything is fine.

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Captain Kirk travels back in time against the wishes of the Federation yet again

This is a typical commercial for a locally owned and operated furniture business of some kind. What makes it so very magical is the bit of “special” effects on the very end with the narrator, and I’m assuming owner, edited into a famous scene from American history.

I’ve always wondered if these tacky pieces were thrown into otherwise normal commercials as part of an evil genius plan to create an advertisement that is so tacky the consumer of information at home cannot ignore it, or if it’s just the local owners putting their hands in an otherwise well-done production and making a poopy all over it. Until several scientific studies are done to determine the truth, we can only gaze in wonder at the superimposed green-screen head over the body of Thomas Jefferson. Or maybe John Adams. I know it’s not the body of Thomas Paine, he would never put up with that kind of shit.

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If I don’t keep dancing they said I’d never see my family again

6 Flags is a regional theme park. This means everyone throughout America does not get an equal chance to see the crazy homeless 6 Flags’ dancin’ hobo. He lives on the grounds and dances about for popcorn and empty soda cups with ice in them.

In these two fifteen-second spots, witness the simple beauty that is the dancing homeless man, and gaze in wonder at his hypnotic power. I deem this to be some of the best work of “awful” advertising; viewers are helplessly captivated by the strange dancing man. He is the perfect hook to an otherwise generic commercial. No words can describe the effect these commercials have, they should have sent a poet instead of me (a drunk).

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