In this commercial for Crazy Gideon’s, Gideon demonstrates that he can be trusted with your valuables, and that he will provide prompt and courteous customer service.

Unlike many pawn shops, which we think this store is (Gideon has been cryptic on the matter), there is no camp or cheapness about the operation. From head to toe, Gideon runs a tight ship, attending to exacting details, such as displaying electronics alphabetically by brand name, and even flashing them with the latest firmware.

Gideon finds his inspiration from an unlikely source: Martha Stewart. ‘It’s obvious they tried to bring her spirit and style to their TV commercial,’ an industry insider said.

This awful commercial comes to us today via the Consumerist.

These three commercials are from 1986, and have all the production values of an Electric Company skit. Watch for Linda staring towards the camera / director for her cue to sit back up in bed.

I still say they should have gotten real medical help for this poor woman.

EIC: is steven richards a wrestler man or something

toby8000: yes

EIC: i need to write some crap for this commercial
is he totally washed up or what
do you love him

toby8000: he’s so-so
kind of an eternal midcard guy

EIC: so like you dont really jerk to him
that’s what you do when you watch wrestling right
i do understand correctly

toby8000: how is this about me

EIC: i was just going to quote you is all
“you can’t even jerk to this guy” -toby
how about that

toby8000: that’s a lie!

EIC: ok ok “i can jerk to this guy!” -toby

toby8000: that’s-

EIC: (publishing)

This blank template ad for local Stamford-area Toyota dealerships parodies the Godfather, staring ‘Don CarLoanie’ as the car salesman.

If it weren’t for this one insane doctor, the strip club in Van Nuys wouldn’t have anyone working there at all. And, apparently, he’s their only customer, so they wouldn’t have any income if it weren’t for him either. It’s a business model that cannot fail.

This beautifully done and tasteful commercial raises the chilling possibility of a 21st century ‘superpimp’. Not only does the superpimp manage the girls in this science fiction nightmare scenario, but he medically and genetically creates them as his mind’s eye sees fit.

Besides this shocking revelation, nothing is wrong with this commercial. Everything is fine.

When you had advertising as good as Moo and Oink of Chicago did, you didn’t need a produce section. You could just sell various cuts of meat because you had so many customers coming through the doors, you didn’t need to bother yourself with low profit margin items like fruits and vegetables.

This commercial captures a very special but also very specific period of time, as evidenced by the Cosby Show era sweaters in the impromptu electric slide down aisle 5.

I can only wonder what adventures Moo and Oink and still getting into. Ok, my producers are talking to me through my ear piece, they just told me they are both dead.

If anyone is bothering you right now, you really need to check out this commercial. Jhoon Rhee’s self defense class will teach you how to make this stop happening.

‘But how can he?’ you wonder? Ha ha, silly fool..SPINNING LOTUS ‘No please’ Yes ha ha face my spinning lotus also here have some dragon ‘no I do not want any dragon’ YOU WILL TAKE SOME DRAGON ‘NO I DO NOT WANT ANY AMOUNT OF DRAGON’ wa cha! Fists of Knuckle! ‘please no more!’

And that’s just session one. The key to making a bad commercial look good is to put your cute little kids in there, which this spot sneaks in right at the finish line, making everything ok.

This ancient commercial gem dates back to 1986, when a young William H. Macy was doing local New York City area commercials. Using the power of typing things into Google, I have placed the ‘Hanover’ mentioned in this spot to New Jersey.

From watching this its evident that Macy has a really electric advertising voice. I wish at least once in each one of his movies he would turn to the camera and talk briefly to the audience about where they could find local savings.