A common theme in food advertising is anthropomorphising the food item into a mascot. Is this not promoting a form of cannibalism? Worse still, must we assume the advertisers have forced the magic talking M&M to turn on its own kind?

Port Sherry examines the brainstorming process in realistic detail in this comic about a taco eating a taco.

In this terrifying commercial, we get to put a human face on the eggs we’re eating. Watch the ad below to gaze into the unrepentant face of the cannibal egg.

Be warned that watching the commercial below will instill in the watcher an irresistible urge to join the Ukrainian army. The recommended procedure for safely watching this ad is to have two strong friends stand behind the watcher, holding his arms tightly. The restrainers must be fitted with blindfolds and soundproof ear protectors.

As this spot started, I presumed that the 80s had invaded the Ukraine, and so naturally the military was called out to combat the threat. By the end of the spot I was quite confused, as the military seemed to deem the presence of 1980s fashion themes as friendly.

There were probably detailed political nuances going on that I am not privy too. Perhaps the military forces made an alliance of convenience with the 1980s to help combat a greater threat, like say an invasion from the south mounted by the 1970s.

In any event, we must fight the 80s in the Ukraine, lest we end up fighting it here.

“It’s the problem in the marriage bed that no one likes to talk about. Maybe that’s why they call it silent, but deadly.”

No they call it “silent but deadly” when it’s a fart that doesn’t make noise but it still smells terrible. Seriously, who doesn’t know this.

I wonder if, over time, farts slowly build up in the blanket and reach some form of critical mass. Does the blanket need to be routinely de-farted? This commercial doesn’t even begin to answer some of the most obvious questions.

This commercial was apparently made to ride on the popular culture success of Austin Powers. There is a perverse pleasure in watching this man dress up like Dr. Evil, but completely not commit to the role. It’s unclear as to whether or not he made it completely through watching the movie.

This commercial is an experimental therapy that is being tested as an alternative to caffeine. Some side effects include confusion, irritability, seizures, and permanent psychosis. It is not recommended you watch this without direction from your doctor.

Let’s watch!