This would be like finding out terrorists struck the World Trade Center years before 2001.. Oh wait

Behold this creepy ad for a voluntary swine flu vaccine from the 70′s.

While the creepiness is timeless, the relevance comes from the recent 21st century outbreak, of which it is impossible to not be aware if you are reading this on the internet.

Remember, transferring the disease is as simple as making eye-contact, so, much like encountering a gorilla, remember to freeze in your tracks and stare at the floor if you encounter a coughing individual, taking great care to not flare your nostrils.

Welcome to flavor country

If you watch this ad for Estonian meat without sound, it’s a lot like the scenes in the movie Event Horizon where everyone has space madness. Watching it with the sound on, it’s more like a Bjork video (just as disturbing).

This commercial from Soviet-era Estonia conjures images of grotesque and surreal Polish movie posters for American movies, Salvador Dali’s short shock film Un chien andalou, and the boat ride from the original Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

The strangest thing about this bizarre commercial is that after a lifetime of being fed so much processed food, the image of fresh ground chuck coming out of a grinder is strangely appetizing to me. This commercial breaks all the rules and comes out with a paradoxical visual product you cannot look away from, like MSNBC’s morning show coverage in St. Paul. You cannot put a microphone on a guest while the camera is on them! Can you? Oh my god they are doing it.

This will change your life

Funnyordie.com has uncovered a commercial for a video seminar on mastering the interneticals from the thick of 1994. Man I sure did look stupid back then. Nothing like how awesome I look right now (adjusting my Rastafarian hat).

This is one of the best parodies I’ve seen in a while, some of the small details are so good you could easily be fooled into thinking it’s the real deal until it gets to the more ridiculous sections. For instance, the fake tape-transfer titles in the beginning are totally off the hook.

If I could give higher than an A+ I would, but then we would lose our academic credentials.

‘I was in the pool!’ Remember that? That was funny.

This ancient ad for McDonald’s failed product roll-out of the McD.L.T. features a young and spry Jason Alexander. In the song if this is Alexander really singing it’s a bit of a surprise to hear a competent singing voice coming out of Jerry’s screaming sidekick. And watch how cat-like he is when he jumps into frame.

Aside from it being made of NastyMeat®, the McD.L.T. required an abominable amount of Styrofoam to keep the hot things hot and the cool things cool. While a good idea in theory, having to assemble a burger flies in the face of the entire concept of fast food. Why not give me two separate cups, one with ice, and one with liquid and have me mix them together you jackasses. What am I, a machine?

It was a magical time before CGI stormtroopers and Red Bull

How can the Gap ever be cool again if they aren’t producing commercials like this anymore? What kids today need to see is Madonna and Missy Elliot bumping butts in order for them to think your clothing chain is ‘the bee’s knees’.

This spot has a mingling of clichéd tactics: the forced friendly co-mingling of two stars with very different fan bases, a catchy but annoying song reworked to be even more annoying, and so much dancing. It’s hard to believe the Gap was ever the king of television advertising. This spot is from earlier this decade, but looks like it was made in the 1980′s.

I can’t bear to see Jack Nicholson like this

This awful commercial comes to us today via the Consumerist, featuring a young Linda Soundtrak who no doubt looks like Moses’ mum present day.

These three commercials are from 1986, and have all the production values of an Electric Company skit. Watch for Linda staring towards the camera / director for her cue to sit back up in bed.

Just another episode of the Cosby Show

When you had advertising as good as Moo and Oink of Chicago did, you didn’t need a produce section. You could just sell various cuts of meat because you had so many customers coming through the doors, you didn’t need to bother yourself with low profit margin items like fruits and vegetables.

This commercial captures a very special but also very specific period of time, as evidenced by the Cosby Show era sweaters in the impromptu electric slide down aisle 5.

I can only wonder what adventures Moo and Oink and still getting into. Ok, my producers are talking to me through my ear piece, they just told me they are both dead.

You do not use the sniper rifle on this level lol

Once upon a time guns that actually looked and acted like real firearms were sold willy-nilly to children of all ages. Today I would venture a guess that any kid carrying something like this on the street would get arrested, or possibly drawn into a fire fight with local police.

The moralities of selling guns to children aside, this old commercial from Mattel is a recipe for disaster for any children trying to emulate what they see. Case in point, the gangster ‘hilariously’ falling backwards out of a window into an alley, and safely landing in a garbage can. It was just a simpler time, nobody knew any better. As far as cartoon-watching Americans knew, getting shot with a gun meant you turned ashen and black until you shook it off.

These were certainly much more innocent times, where you could sell fake guns to children that were covered in lead paint and tell them to fight gangsters and jump out of windows without getting your butts sued.

It’s hard to believe Mattel lacks the backbone that it once used to sell guns to kids that it now begs for forgiveness from its Chinese masters, for ‘excessive toy recalls’ (I mean, you really can be too careful with children’s safety) and ‘design flaws’ (If the toys were designed better they would have repelled lead paint from their surfaces!). The claim that this recall damaged China’s reputation in a single-handed stroke is equally laughable considering the swath of Chinese goods being recalled or tainted left and right.

I think this is from Space Ghost

This ancient commercial gem dates back to 1986, when a young William H. Macy was doing local New York City area commercials. Using the power of typing things into Google, I have placed the ‘Hanover’ mentioned in this spot to New Jersey.

From watching this its evident that Macy has a really electric advertising voice. I wish at least once in each one of his movies he would turn to the camera and talk briefly to the audience about where they could find local savings.