‘I was in the pool!’ Remember that? That was funny.

This ancient ad for McDonald’s failed product roll-out of the McD.L.T. features a young and spry Jason Alexander. In the song if this is Alexander really singing it’s a bit of a surprise to hear a competent singing voice coming out of Jerry’s screaming sidekick. And watch how cat-like he is when he jumps into frame.

Aside from it being made of NastyMeat®, the McD.L.T. required an abominable amount of Styrofoam to keep the hot things hot and the cool things cool. While a good idea in theory, having to assemble a burger flies in the face of the entire concept of fast food. Why not give me two separate cups, one with ice, and one with liquid and have me mix them together you jackasses. What am I, a machine?

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It was a magical time before CGI stormtroopers and Red Bull

How can the Gap ever be cool again if they aren’t producing commercials like this anymore? What kids today need to see is Madonna and Missy Elliot bumping butts in order for them to think your clothing chain is ‘the bee’s knees’.

This spot has a mingling of clichéd tactics: the forced friendly co-mingling of two stars with very different fan bases, a catchy but annoying song reworked to be even more annoying, and so much dancing. It’s hard to believe the Gap was ever the king of television advertising. This spot is from earlier this decade, but looks like it was made in the 1980’s.

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I can’t bear to see Jack Nicholson like this

This awful commercial comes to us today via the Consumerist, featuring a young Linda Soundtrak who no doubt looks like Moses’ mum present day.

These three commercials are from 1986, and have all the production values of an Electric Company skit. Watch for Linda staring towards the camera / director for her cue to sit back up in bed.

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Just another episode of the Cosby Show

When you had advertising as good as Moo and Oink of Chicago did, you didn’t need a produce section. You could just sell various cuts of meat because you had so many customers coming through the doors, you didn’t need to bother yourself with low profit margin items like fruits and vegetables.

This commercial captures a very special but also very specific period of time, as evidenced by the Cosby Show era sweaters in the impromptu electric slide down aisle 5.

I can only wonder what adventures Moo and Oink and still getting into. Ok, my producers are talking to me through my ear piece, they just told me they are both dead.

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You do not use the sniper rifle on this level lol

Once upon a time guns that actually looked and acted like real firearms were sold willy-nilly to children of all ages. Today I would venture a guess that any kid carrying something like this on the street would get arrested, or possibly drawn into a fire fight with local police.

The moralities of selling guns to children aside, this old commercial from Mattel is a recipe for disaster for any children trying to emulate what they see. Case in point, the gangster ‘hilariously’ falling backwards out of a window into an alley, and safely landing in a garbage can. It was just a simpler time, nobody knew any better. As far as cartoon-watching Americans knew, getting shot with a gun meant you turned ashen and black until you shook it off.

(Oh there is more…)

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