This is how we shred lettuce up in this biatch

Real Internet journalism is all about waiting for CNN to write the story and then simply linking to their content. BAM! In this video CNN tells us that some kids made a rap video in the local supermarket they worked in, and are now being sued for the smallest denomination of money a giant corporation can sue for: one million dollars. While they probably think this is just a slap on the wrist for two college kids, at most I know I was carrying around half a mil in those days. Good luck seeing all but fifty percent of that settlement, A&P!

I’m guessing these kids only (alleged) crime was misusing the registered trademark of the A&P corporation in a way that disparaged the quality of their store’s produce. In case anyone has ever wonder why they see logos blurred out in TV shows, and sometimes even movies, this is usually why. Hopefully the kids have some kind of ‘parody’ defense at their disposal, the very same defense that has kept the staff of both Mad Magazine and Saturday Night Live out of the slammer for these previous two consecutive life sentences.

I’m still confounded when corporations launch lawsuits like this that most certainly gain the materials they want to suppress much more media coverage than they would get otherwise. Maybe they should also sue these kids for revealing the trade secret that in supermarkets it’s the older produce that tends to be cut up and sold as the prepackaged goodies in the deli section. That’s right, I said it!

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Knock knock Who’s there? Yarrrrrrrrrr!

It’s pretty brave to sport a pirate theme for your furniture store commercial in a landlocked state like Indiana. Or is it something other than ‘bravery’ when you put on a billowing parachute shirt and tights?

Pirates, the terrorists of the sixteenth century, have been been stealing from the rich and giving to themselves since the invention of the boat and the burlap sack with a dollar sign on the front. But now for a limited time they are giving back in the form of massive store-wide discounts, and a video recording that will one day be used to declare them non compos mentis by their future inheritants who were forced to appear in it.

I really wish national commercials looked like this, except with slightly higher production values. It would be like the Conan O’Brien show was on 24-7.

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Cracked presents: A crazy fold-in on the back no wait that’s Mad Magazine wait maybe they ripped that off too I can’t remember

Nothing says I’m too lazy to make a legitimate post like linking to another site’s content. In that spirit, this article on Cracked features literally ten commercials featuring celebrities who probably wish they were never in the commercials.

Or that’s what the article says. Most of these are just the actors when they were children, and they had no careers to mar. And Matt LeBlanc’s spot is more or less a classic, and the writing is funnier than an average Friends episode. Oh, take that, Friends.

Please don’t tell Friends what I said.

It should be noted that the number one spot, featuring Bruce Willis, actually wasn’t a commercial, but was just an everyday evening on Willis’s porch that just happened to be caught on camera.

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A caveman MMORPG is in the works* *not really

Geico’s caveman campaign has started running TV spots for cavemanscrib.com, an extension of their cavemen characters into the Internet world.

If you haven’t visited in a while, they’ve added a lot of new material (when the site loads you select ’snooze and rejouve’ for the newer interactive content). What impressed me most was the plethora of movies hidden throughout the apartment, all of which I’ve linked directly to from this page, thanks to their Youtube clone, cmoviesonline.com. This is a fictional site that just takes you back to the crib, similar to the fake dating site, iheartcavemen.com (which you can see a fake commercial for on the DVR in the apartment.

The updating of content on this site really will help to make it successful, many sites like this fall by the wayside because they fail to do this kind of updating in any meaningful form.

If you look hard enough on the site, you can find a bonus piece of trivia: the artwork used to decorate the apartment was by Roger Seigmund.

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Why would a skunk need a gas mask? It makes no sense.

This local commercial for Stinky Septic takes a normally low-brow topic like septic tank cleaning, and classes it up. It classes the hell out of it.

I’m not sure which I like better, the fact that they did not get a professional to sing their song, or that they didn’t bother to make their ‘bouncing ball’ logo sync up with the word it should be landing on while it’s being sung.

They do have the newest truck in town, so I guess I should lay off them.

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