Just in time for Cinco de Mayo

We’ve set up a storefront at spreadshirt.com featuring Awful Commercial dot com T shirts and other merchandise. Please visit the store and liberally buy merchandise because without unchecked consumer spending, our fledgling free market could collapse back into a full blown monarchy without due notice.

Want more Awful Commercials merchandise designs??? Tough, I’m very busy. Leave some suggestions in the comments and I might think about it though, as long as it doesn’t constitute a trademark or copyright violation.

So far an assortment of men’s and women’s T’s are available, and coffee mugs, coasters, and delicious mousepads.*

*Disclaimer: If you are stupid enough to eat a mousepad you deserve to die -ed.

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I know that I’m being sexually harassed by this I just don’t know how

In this commercial for Sprint we see a classic example of sexual harassment in the office place. The poor guy walking into the room just wants to make some copies but there are men dancing everywhere, packages flying to and fro about the room. He comes up with some excuse as to why they should get back to working, but he’s immediately shot down, and the horrible horrible dancing immediately picks back up.

The man actually acted very incorrectly in directly confronting the dancing men. If you ever enter a room and are confronted by this situation, quietly back out at once. Attempting to disturb the men from their dancing often provokes a violent territorial response, and can lead to maulings and even death. The intervening individual was lucky to escape with his life.

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The elusive Joan Cusack is cornered in her natural habitat

By request here’s the U.S. Cellular spot featuring Missus John Cusack herself, Joan Q. Sack. What seems to drive people mad about this spot is what the French call, this certain “I know what.” What it is is that Joan keeps saying “charge” over and over. She’s kind of like Christopher Walken in that she throws in extra syllables into words before never discovered by linguists, so you get a dangerously massive super-dense “charge” particle striking the hearing cortex of the brain over and over. And the hearing cortex is right next to the madness center.

I think most of the U.S. cellular spots are ok, I do not find Joan Cusack annoying. This specific spot could definitely rub someone the wrong way though, and has been banned as an interrogation tool in the ongoing war on terror.

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Our center will prove there are not bugs on you

This commercial is really what this site is all about. There’s some terrible acting, inappropriate reactions, funky editing, and the compulsion to continue to look at something that is so poor in quality in seems to defy the existence of a just and righteous creator.

If you start to zone out over this minute-long debacle, you might miss the brief testimonial blurb that really makes the spot worthwhile. Watch for the woman who says “oh man, there’s really something wrong with me”. Was that obviously sarcastic take the best one they had?

It’s a good thing this spot isn’t scratch-and-sniff because, well you know. People under hot lights don’t smell so good.

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