Buy this sofa or Bob will hurt me

Here’s a cheap local commercial for Bob’s Furniture, a chain of furniture stores in the north eastern United States. Compared to most commercials, this is definitely cheaply done, but compared to other local furniture commercials its somewhat bearable. At least Bob isn’t screaming about going out of business for the hundredth time. But watch Bob’s co-host while Bob is speaking. She appears to be miming Bob’s body movements while she is not speaking. I don’t even want to attempt a guess why.

My big complaint here would be the long static shot of the two on the couch. One or two quick close up cut-aways while they were talking might make this thirty second spot feel a little less like a five-minute infomercial. My real question for Bob is why is he airing this commercial when he has a handful of much better commercials on his web site? There are some amusing stop motion spots on there that would catch someone’s attention a lot better than this.

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Gaze into my mustache

The central selling point of this commercial for 1-800-LAWYERS, of the greater NYC area, is the spokes-lawyer’s thick hearty mustache. “For over 20 years we’ve been serving the area, and for over 20 years I’ve been working on this mustache.” The spokesman here might not be so campy if only his mustache didn’t look like it was about to fall off his face. If your lawyer has to resort to a fake mustache, what other dirty trick are up his sleeve?

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A pill to make me focus? Uh, what? What do those pills do? Help me focus! Great! I need..uh.. to.. uh..

There’s a “doctor” who never explains what his credentials are, pills that seem to target hypochondriacs, and results that could probably be psychosomatic. The demon scourge of radio and TV advertising has come to roost its earthly form in the form of these horrible commercials for Focus Factor.

WATCH and see people yearning to focus. LISTEN to testimonials as compelling as “It’s FREE? Well it’s GOT to be good.” WITNESS your brain try to eat itself as you ask, did this commercial just invent a problem you now think you might have and offer you a cure in just under sixty seconds?

The most terrifying aspect of this commercial is that it probably really does make people buy the product.

Note: The comments on this article are the opinions of the user making the comment and not necessarily the positions of this online publication. We neither endorse nor recommend against the product, products, or services featured in this advertisement.

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You are always testing me, woman

I don’t understand commercials that are just gross. There’s a difference between gross out humor and things that are just disgusting with no punch line. I fail to see how this spot is funny at all.

In the spot, the woman has no blender, so she makes a fruit smoothie in the garbage disposal and serves it to her husband. And now to go get a credit card with Citi Bank!

Advertising and visual images that are disgusting don’t go together unless you’re trying to stop someone from smoking or drinking.

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:30 spot #1, @ 1.5 MB

Chrysler is currently running a low energy television campaign featuring Lee Iacocca and a damn variety of freaking stars! Well just Snoop and Jason Alexander.

These are all quite boring, and frankly I think the majority of the American public has forgotten what Lee Iacocca looks like if they even know who he is at all. In this first spot with Snoop is the only place he is identified (as Icazzizle), making it more of a reintroduction of mister Iacocca to the public at large then it is a “celebrity” product endorsement.

The obscuirty of the main cameo star aside, all of these ads are boring and mostly awkward. In this first spot, a crusty of white man is paired up with the D O Double-Jizzle himself, Snoop Doggity Dog. Yawn.

Something is weird with the audio design here, both of the men seem strangely voiced-over. The camera movements are stilted and uncomfortable. This commercial is an error of Biblical proportions.

As part of a strange side-note, Snoop Dog’s has apparently trademarked his pimp image, a.k.a. “Pimpage”, USA Today reports.

:30 #2, @ 1.5 MB

Moving on, in the next spot Lee is once again unhilariously paired up with another star, George from Seinfeld. It’s quite clear Jason Alexander is supposed to be his “George” character talking to his boss George Streinbrenner here. And once again we see another commercial that relies on the existence of the Seinfeld TV show to make any sense.

If you can make sense of this odd cameo, it is far from funny. I don’t find Iacocca to be the warm sunny “Dave Thomas” of Chrysler, though he remains as wooden and lifeless on screen as did Thomas.

:30 spot #3, @ 1.5 MB

And much like Dave Thomas, here is Iacocca with his grand daughter in a TV spot. Or an actor hired to replace his grand daughter after the first one died on set from boredom. Once again this is a strange, stilted spot with no warmth or humor. Without knowing who Iacocca is, this spot remains a big question mark to viewers.

The death nail to this campaign is the terrible catch phrase “If you can find a better car, buy it!” being hammered into the audience’s brain. It’s not funny and, well, tells the customer to find a better car. And Chrylser’s big products aren’t really cars, they are Jeeps and SUVs. Oh yeah and The Simpsons made up this product sales line as a joke years ago. (Krusty: “If you can find a better hypno disc..You buy it!”).

For more information about Lee Iacocca visit your local library.

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