I bet no one has ever tried to use female sexuality to sell beer before

In this commercial for Coors Light (the “Pauley Shore of Beers”) several things have gone horribly wrong. A lot of beer commercials use sexy women to sell beer, but there’s usually a little more to it then two guys pointing at a girl in bikini who is holding beer.

The biggest failure here is the use of a joke from a Seinfeld episode as a pretense for a punch line. In the Seinfeld episode Jerry is trying to find out if a woman’s breasts are real or fake. At the end of the episode she says “they’re real..and they’re spectacular.” The makers of this commercial requiring the audience to have this information already to understand the joke is stupid enough, but even having this information only makes what the woman is saying make a little bit of sense instead of making it a funny joke.

All this aside, the script content of this commercial boils down to two guys saying “I like boobs! Boobs are big.” The punch line continues to flail naked, hung upside-down from a lamppost and beaten by Italians as we notice that the woman’s breasts really aren’t that large.

If anyone needs me I’ll be on the beach in my black bikini getting hammered.

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No son I can’t fix the cable because I’m a failure

“Dad the cable’s out again! Can you FIX IT?” “Honey I’m going to DIVORCE you if the cable bill gets any higher next month!” Tired of cable television service ruining your life? do you think SUICIDE is the only WAY OUT?

The video clip today is only the opening twenty seconds of a freakish minute-long disaster of a commercial. The rest of the spot is just generic titles and graphics promoting BCK Communications as the solution to the nightmare that is subscribing to cable television. Commercials for satellite and cable television service alike paint the opposing service as something so shoddy and weak the consumer practically can never watch television if we were to believe the spots. Does the cable really go out every two minutes? Does satellite TV really cut off every time a bird flies over your house?

What really damages this advertisement is the quality of the acting and writing that would make a 1960’s industrial film director roll his eyes in disgust. I don’t know where on earth I could assemble a team of similarly bad actors and writers if I had to intentionally recreate this train wreck. So in it’s own way, this commercial is a special rare gem. But it’s like a cursed gem that makes the mummy hunt you down when you least suspect it. Maybe even while you are in the shower.

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