My head hurts so there’s no funny caption

There’s something about Taco Bell commercials that make them extra annoying without a lot of apparent effort on their part. In their latest product launch, they have utilized the phrase “good to go” to describe the fucking delicious “Crunch Wrap Supreme”.

I’m not sure if they are presenting the “good to go” product booth character as someone who is supposed to be annoying, but the end result is the whole spot being irritating. I feel more like I’m watching some inside joke that only two writers are laughing their asses off at. Is this guy supposed to be funny because he’s so uncharismatic? Do a lot of people go to technology conventions and have the ability to relate to this interaction?

I scale Taco Bell commercials on a scale of zero to one. This one scores a zero. Taco Bell, you may retake this commercial pass/fail next semester if you want to salvage your grade point average.

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Captain Kirk travels back in time against the wishes of the Federation yet again

This is a typical commercial for a locally owned and operated furniture business of some kind. What makes it so very magical is the bit of “special” effects on the very end with the narrator, and I’m assuming owner, edited into a famous scene from American history.

I’ve always wondered if these tacky pieces were thrown into otherwise normal commercials as part of an evil genius plan to create an advertisement that is so tacky the consumer of information at home cannot ignore it, or if it’s just the local owners putting their hands in an otherwise well-done production and making a poopy all over it. Until several scientific studies are done to determine the truth, we can only gaze in wonder at the superimposed green-screen head over the body of Thomas Jefferson. Or maybe John Adams. I know it’s not the body of Thomas Paine, he would never put up with that kind of shit.

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This apple is so damn delicious

This is the way celebrities are supposed to do tacky television commercials: in an oversea’s market. No doubt Paris Hilton fell into a sardonic tale of self-discovery on her trip to Germany to shoot this piece of marketing, and then ran into Sophia Coppola and shared a close but non-sexual bond. Then their movie got a little boring. I mean their journey of self-discovery got a little boring.

I don’t want to comment on the over saturization of Paris Hilton in the media, but this commercial does provides a good chance to compare and contrast with the earlier Carl’s Jr. Boner spot.

At passing glance, thse two spots are very similar. There is Paris Hilton flopping around in front of the camera, and then product placement. Pretty much zero content. This spot is a little less lewd than the Carl’s Jr. spot in respect to gratuitous over-the-top sex, and provides a very basic human interaction which nudges it out of the realm of soft core pornography. A young delivery boy is delighted to see that Paris Hilton has answered the door in her underwear! Story telling doesn’t get any better than that. In all seriousness, it does provide at least a basic personal hook that an audience might have a chance of identifying with. This is very much unlike the Carl’s Jr. ad, which I criticized earlier for giving the audience zero credit in the brains department. I mean she did a terrible job of washing that car. Who would hire her to do that? I wouldn’t trust her with the detailing, that’s for sure. It just doesn’t make any sense.

This commercial is still flawed in that it relies almost solely on the existence of Paris Hilton’s fame to have much of an impact, but is done so in a less crude manner than the infamous Carl’s Jr. spot.

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I still never loved you

There is a new addition to the Red Devil Games spots, brought to you by Red Devil Games dot com of Red Bank New Jersey. The spots are available on their site, I just put a local link to the video because I believe in my heart that hotlinking is wrong.

I can’t say anything bad about this commercial. It tops the earlier three, all of which were already very good. There is a lot of bang for your buck in these spots, which are all creative energy and a few dollars in fake mustaches. I greatly enjoy the man’s wife having a mustache for no apparent reason, and of course the “Did I push him too hard?” line and response.

I’m glad to see the Red Devil Games site has an online shopping cart, because their spots definitely have a good reach beyond their local market area on a little something I like to call the Internets. It’s a great state of affairs when a few guys with a camera and no budget can outstrip most of the professionally made commercials on TV for entertainment value. Keep up the great work!

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If I don’t keep dancing they said I’d never see my family again

6 Flags is a regional theme park. This means everyone throughout America does not get an equal chance to see the crazy homeless 6 Flags’ dancin’ hobo. He lives on the grounds and dances about for popcorn and empty soda cups with ice in them.

In these two fifteen-second spots, witness the simple beauty that is the dancing homeless man, and gaze in wonder at his hypnotic power. I deem this to be some of the best work of “awful” advertising; viewers are helplessly captivated by the strange dancing man. He is the perfect hook to an otherwise generic commercial. No words can describe the effect these commercials have, they should have sent a poet instead of me (a drunk).

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